Overcoming Addictive Behaviors
"When you ask [pray], you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures"1
A Daily Encounter reader writes: "I am writing because I need to confess some things I am struggling with. I have a drinking, smoking, and pornography problem and am irresponsible with spending. As a result I have lost my home. I don't want to do these things and repent over and over but keep doing them. I am so sick of this filth that's inside of me. I feel like I'm going down this shame spiral. I feel very frustrated, depressed and angry. I want to change in a hurry before something more drastic happens."
Dear Tim (name changed), thank you for sharing your struggles. This is the beginning point of recovery. Unfortunately, I can't offer you a quick fix as it takes commitment, time and hard work, as well as God's help, to overcome problems that have established themselves in our life over a period of years.
The next step in recovery is to learn how to pray the right prayer; that is to pray honestly with the right motive. For instance, it is imperative that you admit that you are an addict—addicted to drinking, smoking, pornography and over-spending. Realize that any habit that controls us is an addiction. When we want God to deliver us only from our addictive behaviors without admitting the real issue of being an addict and dealing with the cause or causes (often hidden) of the addictive behaviors that enslave us, we are praying the wrong prayer with the wrong motive.
True, while your addictive behaviors are problems that need to be confronted, they are not the main issue, but the symptoms of a deeper problem—the fruit of a deeper root. It's at that deeper root level that God wants to heal you. When we focus our prayers only on the symptoms, we tend to reinforce them, for what the mind dwells on, the body acts on.
From what you have shared about your family background, it is obvious that you are suffering a deep love-deprivation need that goes all the way back to your childhood. It is at this level where you need healing. Your addictive behaviors have been used as a defense against feeling this pain and as a means to medicate and deaden it.
You need help to stop acting out in addictive behaviors so you can feel your pain, face it, confront it, and resolve it. Start by praying the right prayer. Admit to God that you are an addict, that you are powerless to overcome your addictions in your own strength, and ask God to help you see the real cause of your problem, and to lead you to the help you need to overcome it.
Also, realize that you can't overcome your problem alone. You have already learned that this doesn't help. A recovery program such as an AA (Alcoholic Anonymous) group can help you to stop acting out in addictive behaviors. This will allow you to get in touch with and resolve the cause or causes of your addictive behaviors.
Chances are that you are going to need help from a capable counselor who can help you work through and resolve your childhood hurts and lack of meaningful love—which is undoubtedly at the root cause of your addiction. (See below for helpful information.)
Suggested prayer: "Dear God, in all my praying, please help me to be honest with myself and with you, admit what I really am (an addict that needs help … or name whatever problem you are struggling with), and see the root cause of my addictive behaviors. And please lead me to the help I need to resolve and overcome my problem. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus' name, amen."
Pr.Miguel
Monday, 27 February 2012
Monday, 20 February 2012
On Boulders and Knapsacks
On Boulders and Knapsacks
"Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ … for each one should carry his own load."1
In one breath Paul says that we should bear each other's burdens, and in the next breath he says that every man should bear his own burden. Is he talking out of both sides of his mouth?
Actually Paul is referring to two types of burdens. The first means a large boulder, the weight of which is too heavy for any one person to carry alone.
The second refers to a knapsack size burden that one can readily carry himself. In other words, we need to help people when their load is too heavy to bear alone but not when they can handle it quite well by themselves.
However, those who are "takers" can be adept at getting those of us who are "care-takers" hooked into feeling sorry for them and we end up taking responsibility for their knapsack. What we need to do is to walk away and leave their knapsack for them to carry. They may get nasty and mean when we do this, but if we don't walk away from them, we become a part of their sickness.
To do this can be very unnerving at first. Long-standing patterns never surrender without a struggle, but helping people help themselves when they are fully capable of doing so is the kindest and most loving thing we can do for them—regardless of what our feelings "tell" us. By developing healthy boundaries to protect ourselves from being used, in time we will feel good about what we have done—or what we have stopped doing—because we will know that we have done the right and healthy thing. Plus, when we allow ourselves to be used, we make ourselves angry and upset and feel badly about ourselves—and understandably so.
So here's a paraphrased edition of what Paul said: "Help carry one another's boulders but don't carry their knapsacks for them."
Suggested prayer: "Dear God, give me a discerning heart so I know when to help a brother or sister with their boulder, and when I need to quit carrying knapsacks for people who are quite able of carrying their own knapsack. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully in Jesus' name."
"Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ … for each one should carry his own load."1
In one breath Paul says that we should bear each other's burdens, and in the next breath he says that every man should bear his own burden. Is he talking out of both sides of his mouth?
Actually Paul is referring to two types of burdens. The first means a large boulder, the weight of which is too heavy for any one person to carry alone.
The second refers to a knapsack size burden that one can readily carry himself. In other words, we need to help people when their load is too heavy to bear alone but not when they can handle it quite well by themselves.
However, those who are "takers" can be adept at getting those of us who are "care-takers" hooked into feeling sorry for them and we end up taking responsibility for their knapsack. What we need to do is to walk away and leave their knapsack for them to carry. They may get nasty and mean when we do this, but if we don't walk away from them, we become a part of their sickness.
To do this can be very unnerving at first. Long-standing patterns never surrender without a struggle, but helping people help themselves when they are fully capable of doing so is the kindest and most loving thing we can do for them—regardless of what our feelings "tell" us. By developing healthy boundaries to protect ourselves from being used, in time we will feel good about what we have done—or what we have stopped doing—because we will know that we have done the right and healthy thing. Plus, when we allow ourselves to be used, we make ourselves angry and upset and feel badly about ourselves—and understandably so.
So here's a paraphrased edition of what Paul said: "Help carry one another's boulders but don't carry their knapsacks for them."
Suggested prayer: "Dear God, give me a discerning heart so I know when to help a brother or sister with their boulder, and when I need to quit carrying knapsacks for people who are quite able of carrying their own knapsack. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully in Jesus' name."
Tuesday, 7 February 2012
The Gift of an Untroubled Mind
The Gift of an Untroubled Mind
"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid."1
In his book, Peace of Mind, Joshua Liebman writes of an experience he had when he was still a boy. "I made a list of the supreme goods in life," Liebman said. "I went to a wise mentor and I showed him the list expecting to be praised for my precocity. The list went something like this … health, love, talent, riches, beauty, and faith. As I shared the list with the old wise man, he reached for a stub of a pencil, and carefully scratched through all of the things that I had listed. He said, "Young man, you may have all of these—health, love, faith, riches, beauty—but they will all turn out to be enemies instead of friends unless you have the one thing you missed." Then he wrote on the paper, "The gift of an untroubled mind."2
From what I read and hear it appears that so many people (at least in our modern society) are plagued by depression, heartbreak, worry, anxiety, fear, and impaired relationships. And (compared to most of the world) we have just about every material benefit and human comfort we want, except so many don't have peace of mind.
There are two kinds of peace we all need in order to fully live. First, and most important of all, is spiritual peace or peace with God knowing that our sins are forgiven, our guilt is gone, and we have God's promise of a home in heaven for all eternity. This gift from God is absolutely free and comes from admitting our sinfulness and accepting Jesus as our Savior. For help see No.4 below: "Finding Peace with God."
The other kind of peace we could call emotional or relational peace. This comes from resolving any and all impaired relationships, forgiving any and all who have ever hurt us, and resolving any and all negative emotions—especially super-charged repressed negative emotions which are destroyers of both emotional and physical wellbeing and extremely destructive of personal relationships. The Bible also instructs us to get rid of (not bury or deny) all feelings of hatred and all negative emotions.3
Suggested prayer: "Dear God, please help me to see and resolve anything in my life that is causing me to have a troubled mind. Please fill me with your love and help me to know and experience your eternal peace in the very center of my being. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus' name, amen."
"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid."1
In his book, Peace of Mind, Joshua Liebman writes of an experience he had when he was still a boy. "I made a list of the supreme goods in life," Liebman said. "I went to a wise mentor and I showed him the list expecting to be praised for my precocity. The list went something like this … health, love, talent, riches, beauty, and faith. As I shared the list with the old wise man, he reached for a stub of a pencil, and carefully scratched through all of the things that I had listed. He said, "Young man, you may have all of these—health, love, faith, riches, beauty—but they will all turn out to be enemies instead of friends unless you have the one thing you missed." Then he wrote on the paper, "The gift of an untroubled mind."2
From what I read and hear it appears that so many people (at least in our modern society) are plagued by depression, heartbreak, worry, anxiety, fear, and impaired relationships. And (compared to most of the world) we have just about every material benefit and human comfort we want, except so many don't have peace of mind.
There are two kinds of peace we all need in order to fully live. First, and most important of all, is spiritual peace or peace with God knowing that our sins are forgiven, our guilt is gone, and we have God's promise of a home in heaven for all eternity. This gift from God is absolutely free and comes from admitting our sinfulness and accepting Jesus as our Savior. For help see No.4 below: "Finding Peace with God."
The other kind of peace we could call emotional or relational peace. This comes from resolving any and all impaired relationships, forgiving any and all who have ever hurt us, and resolving any and all negative emotions—especially super-charged repressed negative emotions which are destroyers of both emotional and physical wellbeing and extremely destructive of personal relationships. The Bible also instructs us to get rid of (not bury or deny) all feelings of hatred and all negative emotions.3
Suggested prayer: "Dear God, please help me to see and resolve anything in my life that is causing me to have a troubled mind. Please fill me with your love and help me to know and experience your eternal peace in the very center of my being. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus' name, amen."
Monday, 6 February 2012
Scratch
Scratch 'Em Where They Itch
"The Samaritan woman said to him [Jesus], 'You are a Jew and I am a Samaritan woman. How can you ask me for a drink?' (For Jews do not associate with Samaritans)."1
On one occasion Jesus and his disciples left Judea for Galilee. Jesus wanted to go through Samaria as he had some "business" to take care of there. About midday Jesus was tired so he sat down and rested at Jacob's well. He sent all twelve disciples off to get some lunch and, while they were gone, a Samaritan woman came to draw water from the well.
Without doubt this woman was the reason for Jesus coming this way. But how could he approach her? For one thing she was a Samaritan and Jesus was a Jew. In those times it wasn't socially acceptable for a Jew to speak to a Samaritan. She also had some personal issues that would make it look rather suspicious for Jesus to be talking to her alone. She had lived a colorful life and had had a few men in her day. Because of this she wasn't accepted by the other town women, so she came to the well alone in the middle of the day. The other women came in the cool of the evening to draw their water.
Imagine the outcome had Jesus approached this woman by asking a question like this: "Excuse me, lady, my name is Jesus. May I ask you a personal question?" And then, without giving her a choice, he asked, "If you should die tonight, where would you spend eternity?"
There are times when it is right to ask such a question, but this wasn't one of them. Had Jesus done that, she probably wouldn't have had the faintest idea what Jesus was talking about and dismissed him as being some kind of a religious nut.
But Jesus didn't approach her with a pat question. Being sensitive to people's needs he knew that this woman had issues. The fact that she came to the well alone in the heat of the day was saying that. Jesus knew the kind of woman she was and that she was lonely—and had been searching for love and acceptance in all the wrong ways and places. He knew that her pressing need was for loving acceptance. And that's what Jesus gave her before ever speaking of spiritual things.
Psychologists say that with the lives we touch we either build a bridge to that person or a wall between us. And Jesus, being a great bridge builder, bridged the great social gap between her and this stranger by simply asking, "Will you please give me a drink of water."
This was the beginning of an interesting conversation. Following a brief discussion about living water, Jesus put his finger on both the need and problem area of her life. Without judging her in any way Jesus told her that he knew she was living with a man who wasn't her husband and that she had already gone through five husbands.
"You have to be a prophet," she exclaimed and then turned the conversation to spiritual things herself. She then got so excited that she left her water-pot behind, rushed back to the town and, in essence, said to the men in her life, "Come with me. I want you to meet a man who told me all about myself with all my weaknesses and he accepted me just as I am. He didn't judge or criticize me. He must be the Christ."2
Jesus knew this woman's deepest need—her need for acceptance—and when he met it, she believed in him and automatically became a most enthusiastic witness.
That's the kind of witness we who call ourselves Christians also need to be. In other words, on most occasions before speaking of spiritual things to people, we need to be sensitive to their personal needs and "scratch 'em where they itch" just as Jesus did—and minister to their deepest need whatever it may be.3
Suggested prayer: "Dear God, please help me to be sensitive to people's needs, and be 'as Jesus' to them by meeting them at their point of felt need. And grant that they, seeing Jesus in me, will want you for themselves. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus' name, amen."
Your Humble Servant.P.Miguel
"The Samaritan woman said to him [Jesus], 'You are a Jew and I am a Samaritan woman. How can you ask me for a drink?' (For Jews do not associate with Samaritans)."1
On one occasion Jesus and his disciples left Judea for Galilee. Jesus wanted to go through Samaria as he had some "business" to take care of there. About midday Jesus was tired so he sat down and rested at Jacob's well. He sent all twelve disciples off to get some lunch and, while they were gone, a Samaritan woman came to draw water from the well.
Without doubt this woman was the reason for Jesus coming this way. But how could he approach her? For one thing she was a Samaritan and Jesus was a Jew. In those times it wasn't socially acceptable for a Jew to speak to a Samaritan. She also had some personal issues that would make it look rather suspicious for Jesus to be talking to her alone. She had lived a colorful life and had had a few men in her day. Because of this she wasn't accepted by the other town women, so she came to the well alone in the middle of the day. The other women came in the cool of the evening to draw their water.
Imagine the outcome had Jesus approached this woman by asking a question like this: "Excuse me, lady, my name is Jesus. May I ask you a personal question?" And then, without giving her a choice, he asked, "If you should die tonight, where would you spend eternity?"
There are times when it is right to ask such a question, but this wasn't one of them. Had Jesus done that, she probably wouldn't have had the faintest idea what Jesus was talking about and dismissed him as being some kind of a religious nut.
But Jesus didn't approach her with a pat question. Being sensitive to people's needs he knew that this woman had issues. The fact that she came to the well alone in the heat of the day was saying that. Jesus knew the kind of woman she was and that she was lonely—and had been searching for love and acceptance in all the wrong ways and places. He knew that her pressing need was for loving acceptance. And that's what Jesus gave her before ever speaking of spiritual things.
Psychologists say that with the lives we touch we either build a bridge to that person or a wall between us. And Jesus, being a great bridge builder, bridged the great social gap between her and this stranger by simply asking, "Will you please give me a drink of water."
This was the beginning of an interesting conversation. Following a brief discussion about living water, Jesus put his finger on both the need and problem area of her life. Without judging her in any way Jesus told her that he knew she was living with a man who wasn't her husband and that she had already gone through five husbands.
"You have to be a prophet," she exclaimed and then turned the conversation to spiritual things herself. She then got so excited that she left her water-pot behind, rushed back to the town and, in essence, said to the men in her life, "Come with me. I want you to meet a man who told me all about myself with all my weaknesses and he accepted me just as I am. He didn't judge or criticize me. He must be the Christ."2
Jesus knew this woman's deepest need—her need for acceptance—and when he met it, she believed in him and automatically became a most enthusiastic witness.
That's the kind of witness we who call ourselves Christians also need to be. In other words, on most occasions before speaking of spiritual things to people, we need to be sensitive to their personal needs and "scratch 'em where they itch" just as Jesus did—and minister to their deepest need whatever it may be.3
Suggested prayer: "Dear God, please help me to be sensitive to people's needs, and be 'as Jesus' to them by meeting them at their point of felt need. And grant that they, seeing Jesus in me, will want you for themselves. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus' name, amen."
Your Humble Servant.P.Miguel
Saturday, 4 February 2012
Friends
Forever Friend
In the course of life’s journey
we rub shoulders with many people,
Some are warm and open,
others afraid and closed.
Some we connect with,
others come and soon are gone.
Some linger awhile.
But every now and then...
either through fate or by chance
or because of a Higher Power...
In an unexpected moment
we are touched by a smile
that lingers in the memory.
We meet again and the more
we do the more we know
that we have met a friend
and we'll be friends forever.
Next to God
there is no greater gift in life
than a forever-friend.
I hope that we can be such friends.
Your humble Servant: P.Miguel
In the course of life’s journey
we rub shoulders with many people,
Some are warm and open,
others afraid and closed.
Some we connect with,
others come and soon are gone.
Some linger awhile.
But every now and then...
either through fate or by chance
or because of a Higher Power...
In an unexpected moment
we are touched by a smile
that lingers in the memory.
We meet again and the more
we do the more we know
that we have met a friend
and we'll be friends forever.
Next to God
there is no greater gift in life
than a forever-friend.
I hope that we can be such friends.
Your humble Servant: P.Miguel
Thursday, 2 February 2012
Are you Gods Wife ?
Are You God's Wife?
"Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world."1
According to a story reportedly written by Leo Buscaglia, "On a cold day in December, some years ago: A little boy, about 10 years old, was standing before a shoe store on the roadway, barefooted, peering through the window, and shivering with cold.
"A lady approached the young boy and said, 'My, but you're in such deep thought staring in that window!'
"'I was asking God to give me a pair of shoes,' was the boy's reply.
"The lady took him by the hand, went into the store, and asked the clerk to get half a dozen pairs of socks for the boy. She then asked if he could give her a basin of water and a towel. He quickly brought them to her.
"She took the little fellow to the back part of the store and, removing her gloves, knelt down, washed his little feet, and dried them with the towel.
"By this time, the clerk had returned with the socks. Placing a pair upon the boy's feet, she then purchased a pair of shoes for him.
"She tied up the remaining pairs of socks and gave them to him. She patted him on the head and said, 'No doubt, you will be more comfortable now.'
"As she turned to go, the astonished child caught her by the hand, and looking up into her face, with tears in his eyes, asked, 'Are you God's wife?'"2
Suggested prayer: "Dear God, open the eyes of my heart so that wherever there is a pressing need placed across my path, I will see it—and help to meet it. And wherever there is a hurt, please help me to heal it. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully in Jesus' name, amen."
"Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world."1
According to a story reportedly written by Leo Buscaglia, "On a cold day in December, some years ago: A little boy, about 10 years old, was standing before a shoe store on the roadway, barefooted, peering through the window, and shivering with cold.
"A lady approached the young boy and said, 'My, but you're in such deep thought staring in that window!'
"'I was asking God to give me a pair of shoes,' was the boy's reply.
"The lady took him by the hand, went into the store, and asked the clerk to get half a dozen pairs of socks for the boy. She then asked if he could give her a basin of water and a towel. He quickly brought them to her.
"She took the little fellow to the back part of the store and, removing her gloves, knelt down, washed his little feet, and dried them with the towel.
"By this time, the clerk had returned with the socks. Placing a pair upon the boy's feet, she then purchased a pair of shoes for him.
"She tied up the remaining pairs of socks and gave them to him. She patted him on the head and said, 'No doubt, you will be more comfortable now.'
"As she turned to go, the astonished child caught her by the hand, and looking up into her face, with tears in his eyes, asked, 'Are you God's wife?'"2
Suggested prayer: "Dear God, open the eyes of my heart so that wherever there is a pressing need placed across my path, I will see it—and help to meet it. And wherever there is a hurt, please help me to heal it. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully in Jesus' name, amen."
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